the contradictions of life

i never really formally introduced myself to my non-existant audience out there, so i guess right now would be a good time, especially since i said i would write more after today's testing.

my name is brittney, and i am from maryland, but right now i am down in greensboro, in college, YAYYY AGGIE PRIDE!!! (i wish there was a way for people to hear sarcasm through reading). i live with my sister...who is four years older than me, and as you can imagine that gets pretty hetic sometimes. we are both leos so it is a constant battle, but deep down i love her...and she is just healous (as joshua would say) of me. lol i kid i kid. deep down i guess she loves me too.

when i was seventeen years old, the very beginning of my senior year in high school, my mother lost her battle with Sarcoidosis and heart failure. this is where my madness must have begun. losing your best friend, and the only person who can truly understand you is one of the hardest things ever. no one can ever replace the love, support, and everything that was my mom. my gma (grandmother) tries hard, my father, my sister, and everyone but in the end, i end up giving them more support than they give me.

i used to be a daddy's girl, but i have no idea what happened. i dont know if it was a gradual or sudden change, all i know is that it happened. but i love my daddy. sometimes he makes me angry (like everyone else) when he doesnt show me the attention i need. but most of the time he makes me happy. he's cool though. my parents would have been married for 25 years this year, if my mom had not been taken away. he is the true example of what i would want my husband to be like.

my sister is crazy. we are complete opposites, yet we are exactly the same. this is what my life is like, full of contradictions. she is also down here @ the T with me. sometimes, more times than not, she tries to fill the void of my mother. and its not like i dont want her help, but i just dont want her to act like my mom, because she isnt and that is not the role GOD had designed for her. my father, not my Father, lets her do it though, it relieves a lot of stress on him. i do admire her courage for stepping up, but at the same time, there are a lot of issues the she has not dealt with and chooses not to deal with that i think she should.

my gma...i love my GMA!!! even though when my mother died, my gma lost a daughter, and i lost a mother, we both lost the same best friend. Have you ever became really good friends with someone only because they were really good friends with someone u both knew? well thats me and my gma. but its deeper than that. we look just alike, and we act alike. i love this woman so much. she has so much strength, wisdom, and courage. its like she does the impossible every single day. but lately, her health has been detoriating. and this scares me. i just cant lose my gma.

im not really a complicated person, im really simple to understand. to outsiders i appear complex, but the complexity is only simplicity, so as long as you are simple and pure, i make sense. my mother got that about me. only few people get that...


btw the exam went really well...i ACED that BIATCH!! cant wait to see what those grades are looking like on friday.